20 Phrases You Hear During Graduation, and What They Really Mean
“So what are your plans for after graduation?” Re-directs here.
Instead of wearing a sign, I think I’ll just print out business cards, each with this specific URL, and hand them to people when ever they ask me this question. Not only because I’ve been asked and will continue to be asked this question ad nauseum, but because my real plans cannot be summed up within the basic small talk of human conversation. So if you really want to know what’s in store for me (or at least what I tell myself will be in store as I plan and God laughs), see below.
For starters, let’s get all our background information out there. I’ll be graduating May 16th from New York University. I’ll be receiving my Bachelor of Science in Media, Culture, and Communications from the Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development. (I don’t know why it has to be a Bachelor of Science, but I’ll be telling people I have a BA and not a BS. I still appreciate the irony.) My two fields of study were Global/Transcultural Communication (Anthropology) and Images/Screen Studies (Film & TV).
I won’t lie; my time at NYU has been good to me. We’re very much a school that you either love or hate, and I’ve been very happy here the past 3 years. (Yes, 3; I transferred in.) For the better part of my college years, I gleefully tromped about the city, enjoying my youth and the careless spontaneity that came with it. I wanted to make the most of my time here, knowing my location after graduation was uncertain. I’ll admit my school work was never as up to par as it could have (and should have) been, and I barely gave thought to the growing pile of debt that had forever attached itself to my name so I could attend my dream school. Even if I’m paying off my loans past retirement, I think it will all be worth it for the amazing experiences I’ve had and the wonderful people I’ve met.
But my bubble is about to burst in less than 3 weeks time, as a dark cloud of reality descends upon the 20,000 20-somethings seated in Yankee Stadium. My friends are all dealing with this in their own individual ways. Some know they have jobs and/or grad school waiting for them, others are still up in the air regarding both. Either way, I think most of us are beginning to experience that ultimate post-modern, first-world problem; the quarter-life crisis.
Personally, for me, the majority of my life has been an existential crisis. I don’t say this to be dramatic or self-righteous - if anything I’m being facetious - but the meaning of my every action in this world is something frequently on my mind. In the past this has turned into anxiety and depression with which I have since learned to cope. But the truth is that things happened to me as a child and throughout the years that forced me to think on a deeper level about the world around me. I say this very matter-of-factly, with no tones of condescension or self-pity. It’s simply the way things happened, and I’ve been questioning the meaning of life ever since. My conclusions over the years have ranged from everything to “All you need is love” to “Everything is bullshit.” I eventually came to realize that maybe there wasn’t one definitive answer to life’s big mysteries (or even any answers at all), but nevertheless I should always continue to ask questions and grow as person. I’ve also come to realize that I will never be finished “growing up” as no self-aware person ever should be.
Yet for many of my classmates, these big issues have never before been confronted. Sure, they’re discussed within certain confines of comfortable college classrooms, but students often retreat back into their comfort zones once the lecture has finished. For many of peers, not being able to find a job is the biggest hardship they’ve yet to face. Of course I don’t want to generalize too much, because I believe that everyone’s own struggles are unique to them and everyone experiences hardship in this world. But many of my fellow soon-to-be-grads are just beginning to have that incredible and startling realization; the world does not revolve around them.
As I told my friend when she didn’t get a desirable position at a company after making it to the final round of interviews, “If not getting a job straight out of college is the biggest problem you’ve had to face in your life, you’re doing alright.” (Personally, I think the company with whom she interviewed is moderately evil and not getting the job was in her best interest, but she was still upset.) She shared with me that this was the first time in her life she had ever felt like a failure. Call me crazy (and I know many of my peers will), but this feeling of failure could be the best thing to happen to my generation.
The quarter-life crisis is so prevalent now because there was no need for it before. In the post WWII economy when the working world as we know it was fully formed, until very recently, college grads were almost guaranteed immediate employment. But with the economy in the crapper and the increasing commonness of an undergraduate degree, that dynamic has changed. On top of this, our modern media, both “mass” and “social”, have given Westerners my age the sense of self-importance and entitlement* that old conservative politicians kvetch about.
*As a side note, this isn’t the sense of entitlement that comes from “ObamaCare” or any other tax increase. The deal there is that we pay for those services and deserve to see benefits from them. We pay taxes to be a part of a functioning and moral society. Occupy Wall Street was often referenced as an example of my generation’s sense of entitlement. While I disagree with a lot about the movement, the mostly conservative billionaires who used their bailout money for their lavish retreats and Christmas bonuses have no leg to stand on. This isn’t about self-entitlement, it’s about basic human rights and basic human decency in a modernized nation. But that’s another rant for another time.
In all the turmoil, many soon-to-be and recent college grads have been disaffected by a system they see as broken. It’s not that we just don’t know how to get on the right path; we realize that sometimes there is no path at all. Instead, we romanticize our plight as suffering artists, looking to find ourselves. We spend our spare time trying to promote our blog, because for whatever reason, those have become the predominate gateway to recognition. Many of us have parents that will still take care of us, although who knows whether or not they’re doing us any favors in the long run. Many of us are also living in big cities, where the cost of living is more expensive. ”Making it” is the ultimate goal in cities like New York, with so many graduates coming here to do just that. Thousands of young adults come here with the insanely unrealistic expectations set by shows that took place in New York. Let me just say that while there are many elements of Sex and the City that I appreciate, I think it did a lot of damage as well. No freelance writer can afford that many expensive shoes while living in that nice of an apartment in the West Village. Even if she could, I don’t recall ever seeing Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte use their success to serve a greater cause. And don’t even get me started on the feminist critique.
The point is, there’s a lot of talk about my generation not being as successful as our parents. But that doesn’t scare me as much as it should. Some of the most “successful” people in the world are some of the most miserable. I think instead of viewing success as how much money we make or how many people know our names, I think my generation needs to redefine the meaning of the word “success.” I know getting a job after graduation is the status quo society promotes, but the reality is that things are never as simple as society makes them seem. There are people out there in this world whose biggest failures are not being able to provide food for their starving families, or the inability to overcome a terminal illness. So if you’ve made it through college and have it to rough it for a bit until the right opportunity comes along, you’re still pretty successful in my book.
I’m not saying that experiencing a bump in the road toward a career isn’t devastating; I know now more than ever that it is. I recently experienced a terrible failure on my own career path. I still don’t want to talk about it in great detail, for many reasons. The only person I opened up to about it 4 months later was my mother. While I don’t believe the incident was handled well by those involved, I had to come to terms with my own mistakes and let go of long-held pre-conceived notions about certain people and about the entertainment industry in which I long to work. And it was terrible.
You know those anecdotes people share share with you about failure, like about how Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team, or Einstein once failed math? Those sounds fine in retrospect, because you know how great these people went on to become. Yet when you’re in the midst of your failure, it’s nearly impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I guarantee Michael Jordan and Albert Einstein felt just as shitty in the midst of their failures as you and I have. And although the hurt of this failure will weigh on you for awhile and cause you to doubt yourself and question everything you thought you once knew, you will get through it. You will come out on the other side and you’ll be a better person for it.
There are people who believe that everything happens for a reason, and there are people who believe that we are the ones who have ultimate control. I am a firm believer that it’s both. There are terrible things that happen in this world, many of which are beyond our control. Yet you are always the one who decides how to respond. You don’t always get to choose the hand you’re dealt, but you do get to choose how you play it. And because you’re human, you will make mistakes. Try your best to learn from them and don’t beat yourself up too much either. It might not make sense to you now, and there are still plenty of things I wish had unfolded differently in my life, but in the grand scheme of things, you have to believe that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.
We also have to keep things in perspective. No matter who you are or how bad you have it, there will always be someone out there who has it worse. Always remember to give what you can to worthy causes and to those in your life who are in need. People who get their self-esteem not from focusing on themselves but from helping others are usually more successful in every sense of the word.
But then again, I’m just a naive post-grad in my early 20s. What do I know, right?
So to answer your earlier question, and the whole reason this rant took place to begin with, here’s what I’ll be doing after graduation: This summer I am working at home at my usual daycare job in Syracuse. Then I am spending 5 months interning in Israel. In February, I will either stay in Israel longer to work, or move permanently to Los Angeles. If you’ve stayed with me up till now, you might as well stick around for an explanation.
When I began my senior year, I went in with the notion that I would return to Israel somehow after I graduated. I had just returned from studying abroad there and was experiencing severe withdrawals. As I reassimilated myself into New York life and political tension continued to rise in the Middle East, I began to question this plan, but I’ve decided to go ahead with it. I feel have unfinished business over there, and potential for more long-term employment. I’ve always said I could never live there permanently, so even if I do stay longer than 5 months, the plan will always be to come back (although I have been known to eat my words before).
I thought that when I was finished with Israel I’d come back to New York and maybe consider LA for the future. But after talking to one of my professors (the same professor who encouraged me to go ahead with my plans in Israel), I’ve realized that going to LA immediately would be the wiser decision. She made me realize that there’s no sense in coming back to New York only to pick up and leave a few months later. And plus, there’s always the chance that I could get too settled here and then never leave. I’m lucky enough to have some family out there, so I’m familiar with the area and won’t be totally alone. In fact, what terrifies me most about relocating is being responsible for my own car. (I’ll probably show up at my cousin’s door crying when it breaks down.) But if I want to work in show business it’s an option I have to consider. There are things I really love about LA, and things I really hate. If the latter becomes too much, New York will still be right here waiting for me. (Ruling out the apocalypse, of course.)
I initially really wanted to work at Seeds of Peace international camp for the summer, and then return to Israel in the fall. Seeds of Peace brings together Israeli and Palestinian teenagers, as well as other adolescents from conflict regions, and brings them together for a summer of activities and dialogue. Employment is understandably competitive, and although I thought I had a stellar resume, my application was not accepted. I was disappointed, especially since I have so few chances to be directly apart of confronting an issue that means so much to me, but I had to accept that things weren’t going to work out as I hoped.
I was then left with a lot of less than thrilling options, since I decided I still didn’t want to leave for Israel until the summer (tourist season) was over. I also need to save money since I won’t be making much of it while I’m overseas. I considered staying in NYC, which is still much more geographically favorable to my hometown of Syracuse. I could have found a paying internship or worked as a nanny, and I probably could have made good money doing it. Yet with the cost of living in Manhattan and the price of rent, I wouldn’t be saving anything. I’d barely break even. I called my mother to see how she felt about this, worried she’d be hesitant to let her recently graduated daughter return to live at home.
“You do whatever you have to do, sweetheart.” My mom is not as lenient with me as many other mothers of her generation, but she always comes through when I need her.
So I’ll be headed to Syracuse once again for a final summer at RECC. Don’t get me wrong, I love those kids, but it’s not a job I can do for the rest of my life. I’ll probably be bored on the weekends, but hopefully I’ll get a lot done in preparation for greater things to come. My brother and I can also tackle another HBO series on Netflix. I’ve realized this is probably the last extended length of time I’ll have to be around my family, so I’ll have to constantly remind myself not to take it for granted. I’d like to think this time with them is the reason why I wasn’t meant to have the job at Seeds of Peace. (Everything happens for a reason, remember?)
So even though I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now, given the circumstances, I think estimating for 6 months in advance is pretty solid. I’ll continue to “find myself” but I’ll try not to be too annoying about it. Besides, I’d rather let who I am define what I do than what I do define who I am. Take that, Western world!
I’ll also continue to blog on occasion, even if no one is reading.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to finishing all that work that is required to actually graduate in the first place. Luckily, finding a job is not one of these requirements.
March Madness continues for the NCAA and TV fans alike! For those of you who haven’t seen, Zimbio has put out their own bracket for Greatest TV Couples of this year. As we anticipate the announcement of their Elite 8s, I thought I’d share with you my own bracket and the logic behind my decisions.
First, it should be noted that I, like most voters, have not seen all of the shows whose couples made it into this year’s play-offs, so several of my decisions were based on what I’ve heard from fans or with no rhyme or reason at all. It’s the couples I’m familiar with that I’ll address here. I would also like to add that unlike the NCAA, Zimbio did not rank couples by seed, placing some wonderful couples up against one another in the first round. That made some of my decisions harder, but such is bracketology.
Let’s begin with the Ross & Rachel conference. The first round choices were fairly obvious for me, so let’s consider Round 2. Glee and The Big Bang Theory are shows I watch infrequently, but I enjoy them when I make time for them. I went with Penny/Leonard because, as much as Kurt & Blaine are wonderful role models for gay youths everywhere, I just can’t favor a high school romance over a serious adult relationship. As a fan of both The Office and How I Met Your Mother, Erin & Andy and Barney & Robin are both couples that are near and dear to me. I went with Barney & Robin though, because I feel they’re a couple whom the audience has been anticipating for much longer. Whereas Andy and Erin came to Dunder Mifflin Scranton in seasons 3 and 5, respectively, Barney and Robin have been main characters on HIMYM from Episode 1. I’ve never been a fan of Gossip Girl, but I chose Blair & Chuck because I know how devoted fans are to this pair. While I adore New Girl and do like seeing Schmidt & Cece’s antics, I know Blair & Chuck hold a higher place in the popular culture canon (so far). The competition between Blair/Chuck and Derek/Meredith might as well have been a toss-up, because Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t capture my fancy now-a-days like it did in its first few seasons. I went with Barney/Robin over Leonard/Penny because of my deeper investment in HIMYM. This left the obvious choice for Barney/Robin over Blair/Chuck for the spot in the Final 4.
On to the Sam & Diane Conference. Here I was faced with the problem of 2 great couples going against one another very early in the tournament. Modern Family’s Phil & Claire vs. Parks and Rec’s Ben & Leslie was a rough one, indeed. I went with Phil & Claire because their status as a married couple with 3 children sets them apart from the majority of couples listed, and they are very funny together. The Good Wife and Mike and Molly are both good shows that I don’t keep up with despite my mother’s devotion to them, so I went with my love for Melissa McCarthy and chose her show’s title couple. (Although my love for Juliana Margulies is still strong!) The other 2nd round champs were from shows I’m not familiar with, so after the Sweet 16, Phil & Claire were a shoe-in for the Final 4.
Over in the Pacey & Joey Conference, Rachel & Finn squeezed by to the Sweet 16 despite my distaste for high-school romances. While Mad Men is a far superior show to Glee, Don & Peggy will never be a match made in Heaven. I haven’t begun watching Downton Abbey, although it is patiently waiting on my Netflix Instant Queue. Yet even if I was familiar with the Mary/Matthew coupling, I doubt they’d be able to oust The Office’s Jim & Pam. Modern Family’s Mitch & Cam were an obvious choice for me, as were HIMYM’s Lily & Marshall; it was choosing between these two pairs that was difficult. They are all great characters separately, and all the more endearing as couples. To determine the winner, I had to place them in the scenario of a real March Madness basketball game. If this were the case, Lily & Marshall’s competitive streak would give them the win in a landslide victory (although Mitch & Cam would likely be the funnier couple to watch). Yet neither John Krasinski and Jason Segal’s height, nor Pam’s timidness vs. Lily’s aggression could sway my decision for the Final 4. While I’ve watched both these pairs grow and mature in their relationships throughout the years, I have to go with Jim & Pam. While both How I Met Your Mother and The Office are past their peaks, when The Office first began, no show could surpass it in my book. Office fans’ investment in the Jim & Pam plot-line kept them coming back each week just as much as they tuned in to see Jim & Pam’s wonderfully horrible boss, Michael Scott.
Last but not least, the Zack & Kelly Conference. This is by far the weakest conference in my opinion, so let’s jump past Round 2 to the Sweet 16. While Jess & Nick are not yet a couple, nearly everyone who watches New Girl (myself included) can anticipate this impending romance. If the writers are smart - which I don’t doubt they are, they’ll keep us waiting longer, as sexual tension and delayed gratification work wonders for ratings. While Will & Emma are the adult relationship on Glee, finally engaged to be married after a few seasons of some “will they, won’t they” drama of their own, Sheldon & Amy of The Big Bang Theory have the advantage for me on this one. Their relationship is unlike one we’ve ever seen on television, and in the best way possible. Their brainy, socially-awkward personalities may make them appear incapable of affection, but the audience knows this is why they’re meant for each other. Jim Parsons and Mayim Bialik are also fabulous in their roles, making two otherwise unrelatable people likeable and wonderful to watch.
And now, we’ve reached the Final 4! Barney/Robin vs. Phil/Claire is quite a strong match-up. To decide the winner, I must look to the conferences from which they hail. Ross & Rachel were indeed the first TV couple with whom I was familiar, and I watched Friends in its entirety from ages 4 to 14. The two got together, broke-up, got together again for a weekend, then promptly broke-up, had a couple of one-night stands - one of which resulted in the birth of their daughter, Emma - and finally got together again in the series finale. They make a strong case. However… nobody does it for me like Sam & Diane. Although the entirety of their relationship played out from 1982-1987 before I was born (with the exception of the Cheers series finale in 1993); although they were a mis-match in every logical way; and although they never did end up together, there was something about them that convinced viewers everywhere that they were perfect. Even 30 years later, when I decided to watch Cheers from the beginning on Netflix, knowing full well Diane would depart at the end of season 5, I loved watching every moment they had together and cared for them both. They were the couple who redefined TV couples, and paved the way for other iconic pairings like Ross & Rachel to follow in their footsteps. Plus, who is it that plays Claire and Mitchell’s mother on Modern Family? Why, it’s none other than Ms. Diane Chambers herself, the talented Shelley Long! So Claire & Phil Dunphy it is.
Yet as for the winner of our other Final 4 game and the winner of the 2012 Television Couples Championship… Jim & Pam stand strong. Much like Ross & Rachel and Sam & Diane, this couple has reserved its space in popular culture’s iconography with the simple mention of their names. Like all the great TV couples, these two stand strong as individuals, yet viewers can’t imagine anyone better for either of them than each other. Jim’s witty disposition and Pam’s good heart kept the audience rooting for them until they finally made it down the aisle. The duo are now the proud parents of two children, and the initial excitement of the relationship has long-since faded while the fate of The Office’s future remains uncertain. Yet Jim & Pam will remain in viewers’ hearts (especially mine) for years to come, and while next year’s TV couple landscape may look very different, I am proud to bestow this year’s victory upon them.
…Well, I bestow the victory upon them on behalf of me, myself, and I. Zimbio is still in the process of determining their winners. Take a look, choose for yourself, and enjoy!
Forbidden Love of the Day: An outreach initiative started by two Israeli graphic artists aiming to bridge the sociopolitical divide between Israel and Iran by sending out simple messages of love is yielding promising results.
According to Israeli paper of record Ha’aretz, “Israel Loves Iran” began attracting responses from Iranian Facebook users over the weekend, and more are being added every hour.
“My Israeli friends, I do not hate you; I do not want war. love, Peace,” read one such pacific missive from an anonymous Iranian contributor. Many of the Iranians participating in this campaign have chosen not to identify themselves for fear of arrest or other reprisals.
Still, the message is being heard loud and clear — and the campaign’s creators want to ensure it gets louder and clearer.
They’ve turned to the crowd funding site indiegogo for assistance in taking “Israel Loves Iran” to the next level: Print ads, billboards, and an unignorable spot overlooking Times Square.
“Leap Day William, Leap Day William, bursting from the sea! Will he bring his bucket of sweets for mom and pop and me?”
Happy February 29th!
(Source: nechellemybelle)
Jamie DeLine: Recent NYU grad; Film & TV enthusiast; decent human being; big fan of dairy products.
